Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 2 July 2011

image for Plans to excavate back garden of London house where Jackie O lived in 1970s
Archive pic of the Chelsea residence

London - The Chelsea property's herbaceous borders may hold one of the hexed US presidential family's best kept secrets, crime archivists warned today.

The former First Lady fled to London soon after details of her many affairs threatened to bring down a Cold War spy ring targeting the White House.

Her undercover career as a CIA spy had been badly compromised by 'tacky' affairs with LBJ, Bobby and Richard Nixon, prompting the move to a leafy Kings Road enclave.

"That's where she developed this madcap fad for grow-your-own," the Strange & Creepy Allotments website revealed today.

"For a woman who'd never had so much as an atom of compost behind her $100's-worth of manicured nails the digging and planting craze was weird, weird, weird."

High tech aerial scanners may have to be brought in before any serious excavations start taking place, however.

"In truth we don't know what might be lurking under the lawn," the website added, "could be a bomb, a body or JFK's dental records.

"But don't discount a pooch called 'Wilson' named in honor of her favorite UK Prime Monster."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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