DETROIT (AP) Seven Star Wars Episode zero Imperial "stormtroopers" today blasted their way out of a Detroit Bank of America absconding with over $850,000 in cash, $350,000 in bonds and a hostage teller named Mildred.
One security guard who lost both left and right arms after briefly scuffling with one of the stormtroopers wielding a dual edged Darth Maul light saber says their weapons were "not of this world". Witnesses say that one of the stormtroopers fired a laser blast which created a hole the diameter of a "good sized PT Cruiser" in the bank's front wall.
"I could see them blasting a hole the size of a Volkswagen Jetta but not a Cruiser" one witness told reporters.
Bank of America officials assure their customers that many of them, thanks to America's FDIC, Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation, will get much of their money if not "a whole bunch of it" back.
George Lucas, creator of Star Wars, unavailable for comment commented,
"Those were not my stormtroopers, they were simply men dressed in plastic stormtrooper outfits, kind of like the ones you see in my movies".
Details are still sketchy but CNN tentatively reports that a "critter dressed like Jar Jar Binks" attempted to rob a Detroit Wells Fargo Branch hours ago.
Walter Eagan, "one hit wonder" songwriter who created the one hit wonder song, "Magnet and Steel" was, in Bank of America at the time the stormtroopers hit said he's "concerned about his dough". Magnet and Steel, his only hit of all time grossed Eagan, back in the early 1800's over $900,000 .. $4,000 after taxes.
"Bank of America's paying me" Eagan told reporters or .. or .. (sigh)"
All Bank of America security guards were rushed to Lake View Hospital following their encounter with the stormtroopers after reporting unexplainable symptoms of "feeling some kind of force" yanking at their loins.
"I don't understand the Salsa component of their robbery", said Bank of America Manager Lee Walsh, "but they had a boombox and 2 of them actually limboed under the little red rope we have that keeps people in line at the checkout", adding,
"I was more than a bit impressed".