Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: New York, Flying

Thursday, 24 November 2005

image for Thanksgiving Day Parades Collide, Dozens Sort of Injured

NEW YORK (AP) As one witness put it, "one parade didn't see the other one coming so before you knew it .. tubas and .. Squarepants floats flying every direction".

Macy's, owners of one of the parades in the collision says that their marching bands had the right of way at the intersection of 32'nd and Main where the Thanksgiving day "sort of" tragedy occurred.

"In addition", one attorney for Macy's said, "that other, Bloomingdale's parade was clearly marching 'in the wrong darned direction' ". Bloomingdale's attorney's disagree with that assessment and are currently planning legal action against Macy's and their parade.

Spectator injuries from the collision ranged all the way from random cotton candy related "sticky-pooh's" to one spectator's hat actually being blown off by a flying Spiderman 3 float fragment.

"We're suing" one Macy's official told reporters.

"No", responded a Bloomingdale's official, "WE'RE suing".

CNN'S Larry King Live will, according to rumors, settle the sueing matter on tonight's .. Larry King Live, Nancy Grace filling in for .. Larry King .. Live.

When asked to comment on the parade collision noted physicist Stephen Hawking told reporters that the atomic mass of a positively negatively charged quantum baryon sub-particle when accelerated to 98.7 the speed of light can in rare instances mate with itself.

Reporters satisfied with that portion of the answer asked Mr Hawking no more questions but instead tracked down Macy's president Lincoln Webster who apologizes for the parade collision and offers every parade spectator that might have been cotton-candied 3% off any Macy's Thanksgiving day memorabilia item available where ever Macy's has a Macy's. And they make a purchase of $250 or more.

Bloomingdales, positive of a legal verdict in their favor is reportedly "revamping" their Christmas parade to include multiple satellite based GPS mapping devices and several highly trained Oxford schooled French Poodles who will lead their parade and warn their parade .. in the event that a stray Macy's parade should unexpectedly show up and crash into their parade.

FEMA, upon learning of the "sort of" tragedy is expected to show up at the parade collision site complete with bottled water, blankets and spam, according to one FEMA official, "sometime in late February". Weather permitting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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