Written by Morgan Truce
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Wednesday, 23 November 2005

image for Schwarzenegger: "I've changed my mind about executing Tookie!"
...thinking about Bianca

SACRAMENTO CALIFORNIA (AP) In the final days leading up to the scheduled December 13th execution of Stanley "Tookie" Williams, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has changed his opinion about granting clemency several times. "At first I thought it was a good idea to execute this Tookie fellow because he was found guilty of murdering a lot of Californians. Now that I see that Rev. Jesse Jackson and Bianca Jagger have joined in the chorus of people demanding that I grant clemency to Tookie, I'm now thinking about going back to my role as The Terminator… and taking out Tookie personally!"

"I'm very impressed by Tookie's recent personal redemption as an anti-gang activist," said Schwarzenegger, "but I think it would have been better for that convenience store clerk and those people in that motel if Tookie would have redeemed himself before he murdered them."

"I was very impressed when Tookie got the Nobel Peace Prize. Even I never won that prize… maybe if I tried a little harder to get along with Maria, I could win the Nobel Peace prize too. It sure would look good next to all my body building trophies."


...thinking about trophies

"Last night I spoke on the phone to Rev. Jessie Jackson who is a very good friend of mine. We spoke for almost two hours and I couldn't understand a word he was saying. So I asked him to write me a letter. Jessie promised he would write me just as soon as he got back from his visit with Abu Musab al-Zarqawi."


No one has any idea what Jesse Jackson is thinking about.

"Tonight I have a date with Bianca Jagger," said Governor Schwarzenegger.


...thinking about Arnold

"I always consult with Bianca Jagger about important governmental matters. She is also still a fine looking woman and she never complains when I fondle her. That means a lot to me. Contrary to what many people have said about Bianca, she smells OK to me. But getting back to whether or not I should go ahead and execute Tookie, I have to be honest with everyone… I don't make any important decision before clearing it with Maria. She tells me what to do… and I just do it. I've always liked strong-willed women."

Meanwhile, Stanley "Tookie" Wiliams sits on death row.


...thinking about Maria


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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