Written by Morse
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Thursday, 23 June 2011

image for Whitey Bulger Captured! FBI Demands He Be Sent to GITMO & Muzzled While Obama Takes Credit!
Whitey Was Arrested without Incident by Unarmed Store Security Guard Much to the Horror of the FBI!

After 16 years on the lam, Whitey Bulger was nailed in California by an unarmed KMart security guard when the fugitive killer came in to buy some Martha Stewart dinner settings and a George Foreman grill! Unfortunately for the guard, Obama is now taking credit for the arrest.

In a nationwide address early this morning Obama said, "I directed a renewed effort to capture or kill Whitey Bulger, right after I directed my team of agents to go after Osama Bin Laden using the plan I drew up after many late nights working on the case in the Oval Office. I still have a few loose ends to clear up, and I am now working on a plan to marginalize Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry, but I'll have that resolved shortly!"

A renewed effort to locate him by the FBI, including increased rewards leading to his capture and that of his long time girl friend, Catherine Grieg, included spots on the View and "Hairball" with Chris Matthews who said, "First Osama, and now Whitey....President Obama is one mean sheriff...I had tingles up my leg when I heard the news.

The Boston Strongman, head of the infamous Winter Hill Gang, and brother of two Boston Big Time Politicians, is linked to 19 murders, including a few of his old girl friends, while being hooked up to the FBI as an informer, where he ratted out rivals while continuing his lucrative life of crime.

He became so 'infamous' they made a movie about him, "The Departed" where Jack Nicholson played the lead, detailing his corruption of law enforcement as he became the darling of his FBI handler, who is now doing "life" in a Florida prison after being linked to yet another mob hit he facilitated.

"If they wanted to find him before this, they could have, " said a disgruntled former federal agent. "It wasn't in their best interests, now they are really pissed...when Whitey starts talking he's going to blow the lid off Boston Politics, the Feds...even his own brother won't be safe!"

William Bulger, Whitey's younger brother was a force in democratic politics for 35 years, including being head of the state senate, and later president of the University of Massachusetts until he was 'forced' to RETIRE with a $200K a year pension after being grilled by the US Senate on the location of his brother.

While details on his movements for the past 16 years are still sketchy, neighbors near where Whitey and Catherine were living, said he ran a small Gun Store in Los Angeles, which was recently linked to the ATF and the soon to be revealed "Fast & Furious" government scheme to sell automatic weapons to Mexican Drug Cartel members, in the hopes they could track them down in Mexico.

Recent revelations indicate thanks to the higher ups at the ATF thousands of weapons were sold, and disappeared into Mexico without a trace within an hour of leaving the stores in the USA, leading to possibly hundreds of murders including that of a Border Patrol Agent.

Memos have now come to light where dozens of ATF agents protested the scheme, and were either ignored, told to keep quiet, or were relocated to South Dakota.

Bookies in South Boston have laid 10-1 odds that Whitey won't live to see extradition to Boston, and 100-1 that he won't live to see the Red Sox in the World Series this October!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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