Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 20 November 2005

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The Abominable Snowman will hang the star on the national Christmas tree in Washington, D.C.

In an effort to reach out to minorities and immigrants,, the White House has invited North Pole native The Abominable Snowman to hang the star at the top of the National Christmas Tree in Washington, D.C. The ceremony is scheduled to take place on Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

The announcement met with mixed reactions from politicians, the media, and other minorities.

The Reverend Jesse Jackson was upset by this move by the White House and the President. "He may be a snow man, but he's still white. Why can't he ask a black man to put the star on the top of the tree. Doesn't he know that the best, tall athletes are all black NBA centers? Why can't Shaq do it? What's the matter with Kareem? Even though we all know Kobe rapes white women, he can still hang that star and must have our support. Stop Snowman Star Sticking!"

Rush Limbaugh made the following comments on his radio show: "The President has done it again! This great Republican Leader has once more torn down barriers for the disinfranchised and continued the Reagan Revolution! He's not inviting some femi-nazi to perform this heroic task, but is asking someone who did it before for Santa Clause himself. Inviting this hero of millions of children who watched him in Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer hang the star on the tree makes George W. Bush the second greatest American of all times, after me!"

Hermie the Elf Dentist, who lists the Abominable Snowman among his patients, had mixed feelings. "Sure, I'm happy for the guy. But why can't they have one of us little people do it? Has anyone ever invited a dwarf to hang the star? I think we're being profiled and discriminated against again just because we're short."

Democratic Governor of New Mexico Bill Richardson was upset by the choice. "Hey, the tree came from my state! I should get to hang the star! Is he afraid that I might be in the White House next? I was Energy Secretary under President Clinton and I know more about Christmas lights than some fuzzy animal from the North Pole!"

In California, Arnie the Governator was pleased with the announcement. "Yah, da President haas to go vid us big white guys. Aye tink he vill do a gut job vid da sta. He looks gut to, like maybe he's bin pumpin i-on." Interpreters for the Governor issued this translation: "Yeah, the President has to go with us big white guys. I think he (the Snowman) will do a good job with the star. He looks good, too, like maybe he's been pumping iron."

Regardless of the criticism, Bush still plans on using the Abominable Snowman. Santa is scheduled to drop him off in New York when he arrives for the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. From there, he will be escorted to Washington on Air Force One for the official tree lighting.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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