Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 24 July 2011

image for If Texas Governor Rick "The Electric Chair" Perry Runs In The GOP Primaries Sarah Palin Better Just Head On Back To Alaska
A photo of "Snowflake" a six-month old puppy that Gov. Perry gave to Sarah Palin.

AUSTIN - The word out of the Texas state capital is that Governor Rick Perry has still not quite decided if he is going to run for the office of president of the United States.

One of his good friends and fellow Texan actor Matthew McConaughey recently spoke with GOPicky Magazine and stated that if his long time pal and hunting buddy Rick alias "The Electric Chair" does decide to run then that so called lady hunter who lives up in the iceberg state best better just turn her damn Nationwide Tour Bus around and drive it back on up to the land of the igloos.

McConaughey remarked that Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty, Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, and the rest of the GOP hopefuls also might as well think about saving their money because if good old boy Ricky does run then they will all have about as much of a chance of beating him as Richard Simmons would have in an ass-kicking contest against NBA bad boy Ron "The Brawler" Artest.

Matthew said that earlier this year he actually saw Governor Perry on a ranch outside of San Antonio sneak up on a full grown rattlesnake and grab it by its neck, and snap it like a whip, all the while holding a Lone Star longneck beer bottle in his other hand.

Governor Perry has said that if he decides to run and is elected president he will take old "Sparky" out of storage, have it cleaned and polished, and start using the sumbitch on a daily basis.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: "Sparky" is the name of the Texas electric chair that was used thousands of times. It was retired in 1982 because the PETA people complained that it caused way too much hollering, screaming, and yelling which scared the hell out of the animal population outside of Huntsville State Prison.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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