WASHINGTON, DC --- Rep. Horace Hemaroid (R., NM) admitted that tweeted links to photographs of skidmarks were indeed his. "I had enough of people telling me I was, full of crap, didn't know my ass from my elbow, a poop head, butt breath, and I apologize for sinking so low," said the contrite Congressman.
After forensic scatologist, Danny Brown's analysis of the photos showed that the skidmark pattern resembled a diet of chimichanga, refried beans, enchiladas, burritos and guacamole, the Congressman from New Mexico, said, I want to came clean and finally air my dirty laundry."
When confronted with the allegation two days ago, Representative Hemaroid said, "You know, I can't say with certitude whether my tightie whities are Hanes or Jockey so the brown racing stripes, may not be mine, this is a circumstance where someone committed a prank and is making fun of my name and I would like to get to the bottom of it."
Lizzie Borden, an 86 year old senior citizen from Chicago said she regularly tweeted with the Congressman about politics but then recently, "when I asked him, if Medicare would help pay for my adult diapers he gave me the bird and a disgusting photo of his poop du jour."
79-Year-Old retired porn star, 'Wet Dream', from Reno, Nevada said she also tweeted with Hemaroid who "just flipped out when I sent a photo of my booty in a thong, the next thing I get is a photo of a brownie in his underwear, I deserve more respect than that!"
Star Gazer, a 23 year old, working with OH YES! Escorts claims to have exchanged over 50 tweets with 'my Horace' but that, "the Congressman went kinda weird when I told him I thought Oprah was the person of the century. If I want to see a grunge band I don't want to see it in a man's underwear."
Coming less than three weeks after New York Rep. Anthony Weiner showed his junk in tweeted photos, Rep. Hemaroid's gunk is a new low for the already distracted and embarrassed House.
House Speaker John Boehner (R., Ohio) said, "there are dos and don'ts that may be acceptable but I think this dodo is a don't."
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California chimed in saying, "Had the honorable Congressman from New Mexico been wearing a cod piece on a thong we would discussing more important things."
Charles Rangel (D., New York) said, "So he got down and dirty, at least he isn't a serial killer."
Senate majority Leader,Harry Reid (D.,NV) commented, "What's a tweet?"
Hemaroid's wife, "Poopsie" said, "I'm partly to blame, had I used Oxiclean maximum strength stain remover my husband might not have been in this mess."