Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: John Edwards

Thursday, 16 June 2011

image for U.S. Prosecutors Report That Sen. John Edwards Mug Shots Are The Damn Happiest Mug Shots That They've Ever Seen
This is a recent photo taken of Sen. John Edwards and his mug shot looks exactly like this picture except for the flag.

WINSTON-SALEM, North Carolina - Senator John Edwards surrendered to Federal authorities and immediately was finger printed and had his picture taken.

United States prosecutors report that the mugs shots of the senator from North Carolina are the damn happiest mug shots that they have ever seen.

Prosecutor Stuyvesant Tullahoma stated that in his 27 years of dealing with mugshots he has never seen an individual who was in such a good mood as Senator Edwards was.

Tullahoma informed a reporter with The D.C. Dispatch Diplomat that if he did not know any better he would swear that the senator had just won the national lottery.

And Prosecutor Mercado Panaderia agreed with Tullahoma. Panaderia even said that prior to having his mug shot taken the senator was actually softly singing the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Sweet Home Alabama."

Senator John Edwards is being indicted on failure to report monetary figures that were paid out to a campaign supply company in Zebulon, North Carolina.

The company Campaign Stuff Is Us, is owned by Dardell Don "Bubba" Mincracker, a distant cousin of the senator's.

Campaign Stuff Is Us provided 3D campaign bumper stickers, gold-plated campaign lapel buttons, and campaign top hats made out of sable to the senators 2008 presidential primary campaign.

The D.C. Dispatch Diplomat tried to contact Mr. Mincracker, but his secretary identified as Beulah Beth Soddydaisy, 37, stated that Mr. Mincracker was in Peru on a polar bear hunting expedition.

When she was told that there were no polar bears in Peru she said that maybe she misheard him say reindeer. She was told that there were also no reindeer in Peru and that polar bears and reindeer lived in Alaska.

Miss Soddydaisy, who has been engaged twice but never married, said that maybe Dardell Don had actually gone hunting up to Alaska. She told the reporter that she had another call on the other line and hung up.

Senator Edwards says that he will get out of the mess due to the fact that he is right, he loves America, and he's quite cute.

In other news. Meat Loaf is proud of the fact that in the past 48 hours he has only cried five times and lost his temper four times.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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