Written by Gail Farrelly
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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

image for NY is Now Only the FIFTH Dirtiest City in U.S., Slobs Get Special Invite to Visit
Fuhgeddaboutit!

Last year it was Number 1. But this year, NY has fallen to fifth place. Mr. Clean may have been at work.

That is, if you have faith in the results of a survey done by Travel + Leisure magazine. It shows that this year, New Orleans is the Number 1 dirtiest city in the U.S., followed by Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Memphis.

It's rigged, New Yorkers feel. They point out that New Orleans, home to Brad and Angelina and their brood of six, has an unfair advantage right away. The Brangelina kids are always photographed with bags of snacks; they must leave a residue behind. Then in Philadelphia, there's that cracked Liberty Bell, which probably generates an inordinate amount of debris. As for LA and Memphis? Well, there are a lot of entertainment types hanging out in both those cities, and they're not exactly known for their neatness, right?

As always, New Yorkers remain upbeat. They are confident that their fair city can climb once again to the top of the garbage heap. Native New Yorker Sam Sloppy, ensconced on a park bench in Central Park as he enjoyed a dripping slice of pizza and a large, messy cherry Slurpee -- sans napkins, of course -- explained his take on the situation. "Not only," he said with pride, "are we natives the messiest folks on the planet, but there's more." Sam continued, "In the summer we attract as tourists the biggest pigs in the universe, and they will definitely help us regain our title. No problem."

Meanwhile at a City Hall press conference, New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg extended a special invitation to the slobs of the world to visit New York and up its dirty ranking by being as messy as they like. "The messier, the merrier," he said proudly. "We're Number 1 in the dirt department."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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