Written by Spicewood
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Topics: Politics, GOP

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

image for GOP Considers Hiring Ex OSU Coach
The Gravity of the Situation

An undisclosed source recently revealed that Chairman Reince Priebus of the Republican Party is considering hiring ex-Ohio State football coach, Jim Tressel, and bringing him on board as a "recruiter" for presidential hopefuls.

"We did some research, and he seems to draw out individuals with the qualities necessary to become successful politicians. We looked at the players that he had recruited, and more so, how they have turned out, and we are quite excited about bringing Jim on board."

Priebus indicated that the 3.5 million dollar salary was not a problem, but in preliminary conversations with Tressel, his attire was a concern. The party would prefer him in a suit, rather than a sweater vest.

Priebus went on to say, "Jim was quite relieved when we made him aware of "financial backing," that he would have with us, something which he said he has always had in his previous two coaching positions."

Tressel stated, "Hey, it takes money to make winners, and financial backers grease that old wheel which keeps things going. I just wish we could bring Jim and Gordon on board too, they know the score and could be a big help." (Jim Smith the Athletic Director, and Gordon Gee, head of OSU).

One reporter asked the ex-coach if he was interested in the position, to which he replied, "Salary is no problem, but I have a few players I owe a lot to, and if they will let me get involved in fund raising I have some ideas on jewelry sales and such, and these fellas have a leg up on that. Hey, I got nothing else to do, if they want me, they got me. This Walmart job sucks."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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