Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Wednesday, 16 November 2005

image for George Bush Isolated in White House, Feels Betrayed, Doesn't Allow Visitors or Speak Much
Bush only opens up for pizza

WASHINGTON (AP)--President George Bush apparently feels betrayed by all of his most senior aides and advisors and now lives in isolation in the Oval Office where he has moved a cot in to sleep on, according to concerned White House staff.

"We are really worried about him," said one staffer on condition of anonymity. "He never comes out of the Oval Office and he speaks to hardly anyone anymore. When he appears briefly at the door, it looks like he hasn't shaved in days and the only one he opens up for is that pizza delivery guy from Gino's Hot Slices who brings him his food. I don't think he's even getting all the vitamins he needs."

The president's obsessive and increasing reclusiveness seems to be a reaction to the increasingly harsh public condemnation of his war to grab Iraqi oil, the worsening economy and housing crisis, and the revelations of the monstrous web of lies and deceit engineered by his White House staff that the war was based on. There were also the unauthorized White House leaks regarding CIA operative Valerie Plame. Bush's paranoia is now so extreme that he won't even see his wife Laura, or his father or his mother or any of his family, friends said.

"The atmosphere in the Oval Office has become unbearable," another White House source said. "Bush spends most of his time on the Internet at the Spoof web site, worrying about what that character Felix is going to write about him next."

Bush won't answer or return any phone calls from world leaders, or Congress, or senior Republicans either. He also won't sign any bills or documents of any sort that aides push under his door. US government business is slowly grinding to a halt.

But Bush was heard shouting behind his locked door, "I can't trust Scooter or Karl or Dick or Condi anymore! They're all out to get me too, just like Felix and those Democrats. No one likes me anymore. But I have the arming codes, and if you people aren't nice, I'm going to make you all really, really sorry pretty soon!"

Bush was also photographed from long distance through the windows of the Oval Office playing with sock puppets while sitting at his desk.

He appeared to be making one of the puppets punch another one. He was also in bare feet and not wearing a tie or trousers. The photos appeared in the National Enquirer on Tuesday to considerable embarrassment.

Bush made one outside phone call to the New York Times asking if anyone there knew how to make soup out of potted ferns. When no one had any idea what he was talking about, he complained that he could see those flying saucers again at night and then abruptly hung up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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