Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Congressman Anthony "Woody" Weiner Checking Into A Rehab Clinic
This is a photo taken of the cook at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. (Photo taken by Charlie Sheen).

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Nancy Pelosi wanted him to do the right thing and resign. Every GOPer in D.C. wanted him to do the right thing and resign. But Congressman Anthony Weiner decided to listen to a voice mail he received from Lindsay Lohan and he will be entering a rehab clinic.

Weiner the subject of thousands of late night jokes, morning jokes, noon time jokes, afternoon jokes, and midnight jokes has become the most talked about congressman since David Crockett of Tennessee.

According to Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight Congressman Weiner will be entering into The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic within the next few days.

De Gallo spoke with Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, 76, the executive director at Henry and Betty Ford and he was told that they already have his room ready.

Wheatgrass said that he will be occupying the same room that patient #72987 better known as Charlie Sheen occupied during his stay. She giggled as she said that they have officially named the room, The Space Cadet Room in honor of spacey Charlie.

She added that it is just down the hall from the room that Lindsay Lohan (patient #72913) occupied during her stay. She pointed out to de Gallo that Lohan's room has since been retired and that no one has used that room since she left.

De Gallo asked her if they had named Lohan's old room. She answered that they had and she told him that the room is now known as The One Lucky Ass Bitch Room.

De Gallo asked her why they would retire "LiLo" Lohan's room and not Charlie Sheen's or even Demi Lovato's who spent three months at the rehab clinic last year.

Ms. Wheatgrass stated that company policy expressly prohibited her from divulging that information. De Gallo told her that the info actually fell under California's 'Right To Know Freedom Clause' and that he could force her to reveal the reason.

Wheatgrass instructed de Gallo to leave her office, the building, and the premises immediately or she would have the clinic custodian Enzo Rudolphowitz inform the anger management instructor Talbot F. Neckingbrewster to call the police.

De Gallo asked Wheatgrass why she could not call the police herself. She shook her head, raised her eyebrows, and rolled her eyes and replied that The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic recently became unionized and that they now have very strict rules, regulations, guidelines, and policies that they must follow in order to implement a directive.

He asked Wheatgrass that he fully understood her predicament and then asked her if she would allow him to go to Weiner's room and take some pictures.

Wheatgrass thought about it for a while and then told him that she might be able to make that happen if de Gallo made a nice generous donation to the rehab clinic.

He asked her how much was a nice generous donation and she replied that probably about $400 would allow him to take all of the damn photographs he wanted.

De Gallo took out his VISA card and charged it. When he got to the room he noticed right away that the room only had a bed, a chair, and a little throw rug.

Ms. Wheatgrass said that she had asked the custodian to remove the big screen TV, the microwave oven, the stereo, the Cuisinart, the mini wine rack, and the computer.

De Gallo told her that she sure ran a tight ship. She replied by saying that The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic is just that a rehab clinic and it is not one of The Six Flags Amusement Theme Parks.

SIDENOTE: When Congressman Anthony "Woody" Weiner checks into the clinic he will be fitted with a special harness device that will completely prevent him from touching his penis (lap lizard). Wheatgrass said that whenever Weiner needs to pee Enzo the custodian will assist him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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