Written by K.C. Bell
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Topics: anthony weiner

Saturday, 11 June 2011

image for Representative Anthony Weiner's Greetings
You've got mail.

Competing with Hallmark Greeting cards, it can now be disclosed that Representative Anthony Weiner will embark upon creating a line of greeting cards using the same photograph of his private part that was text, tweeted, emailed, facebooked and cyberspaced to the world, believing that nothing succeeds like excess!

The inside of the card is described as remaining blank, (zero to be read there) allowing senders to inscribe their own message. The same photograph on the outside will be reproduced for each card. A versatile card, it could be appropriate for weddings, divorces, graduations, promotions, birthdays, Independence Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, drafted into military service, dismissed from military service, the holidays, get well and sympathy. Some cards will have an added special touch. The holidays will have a sprig of English holly, and sympathy cards will have a black band appropriately placed.

Scholars noted that for centuries society has been inundated with private parts of women pictured on paintings, sculptures, film, magazines, television, books, billboards, clothing, internet, newspapers, National Geographic, advertisements, promoting everything from apples to zwieback, while the publication of Representative Anthony Weiner's penis produced a catastrophic reaction: If he came clean the first day, it'd be over today... He is finished!... Yes, he should resign... I am disappointed... He lied... It's disgraceful...

Guys, it's only plumbing.

Using a cellphone, a married Republican U.S. Senator telephoned his hooker from the floor of the Senate to arrange for an assignation. Prostitution is a crime, but no arrest was made, nor did any Republican call for the senator's resignation and he's still in the Senate. It's not too late to send the senator a Weiner greeting card and writing, "Congratulations!" If he's ever arrested, just send the Weiner sympathy card with the black band. No inscription necessary.

Abu Ghraib is disgraceful. Land mines are disgraceful. Torture is disgraceful. A shock and awe 5000-lb bomb is disgraceful. Drones are disgraceful. Starting a war based on a lie is disgraceful. Outing a CIA agent and her operatives is disgraceful. Destroying the planet is disgraceful. Hunger in a world of plenty is disgraceful.

It was only plumbing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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