Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Friday, 10 June 2011

image for Heart Broken Doctor Returns Beloved Camel To Neighborhood Mosque
A Sad Ending

To the casual observer, it should not surprise anyone that after two weeks Dr. Billingsgate has given up on Islam. In his rejection of this religion embraced by a billion of followers, it wasn't the thought of losing the opportunity to frolic around with 72 virgins that he most lamented.

With so much vested in his decision to renounce the religion of Mohammed, it's with profound regret that he turns in the camel that was issued to him upon his conversion from Christianity to Islam. Although becoming attached to one's camel has some precedent in Muslim history, it is virtually unheard of that in two short weeks a relationship between a man and his camel could become so intimate. As you know, camels are quite aloof and usually not easily drawn into a bond that to most people thwarts the natural law.

To the unwashed, who are incapable of understanding such a relationship, the Doctor can only offer his sympathy. Old Butter Hump, quite possibly the finest example of camelius dromedarius to ever belch and fart in a golfer's backswing, has been relegated to ferrying common man once again. He will be missed by the Doctor and his golfing buddies.

FACTOID: As veteran readers know, Dr. Billingsgate doesn't make existentially spiritual decisions without good reason. Therefore, for those demented enough to care, he will offer the following explanation:

In a speech that Pope Benedict XVI made in Regensburg, Germany a few years ago, the spiritual leader of the Catholic Church said that "violence, embodied in the Muslim idea of jihad, or holy war, is contrary to reason and God's plan, while the West was so beholden to reason that Islam could not understand it."

The Pope began his speech to the students and faculty at Regensburg University by quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologus, in a conversation with a "learned Persian."

"Show me just what Muhammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached," the Pope quoted the emperor.

It is understandable that some readers, including jihadists who plot against the hallowed and esteemed Doctor, and those handcuffed by the restraints of secular shallowness, might not fully fathom Dr. Billingsgate's transition from Dromedary to Pope. Metaphysically, until you have walked the fairways of life with a camel, you will never be able to comprehend the reasoning of either the Pope or the Good Doctor.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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