Written by Jalapenoman
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Sunday, 13 November 2005

image for Monica Lewinsky Franchises Her Talents
Monica Lewinsky suffers from facial paralysis

Monica Lewinsky, former lover of United States President William Jefferson (Bill) Clinton has received the cruelest of punishments. As a child, she was told by her mother, "If you keep making that face, it will stick that way." It did. Lewinsky now suffers form facial paralysis. Her speech is garbled, but can still be understood if one listens carefully.

When asked last week what plans she had for the future, Monica answered that, "I'm not sure what I'll do with my life now. I only know one job that I am prepared to do with my mouth frozen this way. I've been pretty successful in that area in the past. Maybe I can branch out and begin training others in this also."

That idea sparked a new franchise revolution on Wall Street. "Learn Lewinskys from Lewinsky" has in seven days become the most successful franchise business industry since Subway Restaurants. "Growth numbers are phenomenal," said Dick Bulger of the New York Stock Exchange Business Report. "Everyone seems to be turning to this new profession as a way to make easy money. Monica's how-to book for housewifes, girlfriends, and mistresses will probably go to number one on the charts when it is published next month. It seems like everyone wants to get it straight from the mouth of Lewinsky."

"We also foresee dress sales going up with this. Early reports also show increases by drug and discount stores in the sale of mouthwash and toothpaste."

"We have also heard speculation that the former President wants to cash in on this. He is reportedly doing an info-mercial called "How To Make the Most of Getting Your Lewinsky.""

When asked how he felt about his last name now being associated with this act and business, Davis Lewinsky of Denver, Colorado was not happy. "I'm not related to Monica, but that does not matter to people. You would not believe the propositions that my wife and my daughters receive every day when someone learns their name. If I let my girls go ahead and set up their own business on the side, their college funds would be filled up in weeks and they would have the hottest cars on campus."

"Sure, my wife and I sometimes share that pleasure on our own, but she doesn't need to learn anything from Monica and is not going to market it to the masses. "

For information on purchasing a Lewinsky franchise, a small test is required to see if one has the proper natural aptitude and ability. All of the male Spoof reporters have been trained in critiquing this ability. Contact any of them for a free test and they will allow you to demonstrate your talents to see if you qualify.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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