When the media arrived at Governor Sarah Palin's new home in Arizona this morning, it was in anticipation of a major news story. They were not disappointed!
Sarah Palin took the make-shift podium in front of her new home and stated, "I am proposing here and now that when I am elected president in 2012, I will take the necessary steps to change our constitutional government into a monarchy and I will assume the lifelong duties as the Queen of America!"
As the stunned crowd of journalists gasped, exhibited shock, and shook their heads, one asked: "Governor, this is really out of the ordinary, how would this work in America?"
Palin smiled and looking relaxed replied, "No problemo. We will control all three branches of government by then and as Bill Maher would say, New Rules!"
Reporter: "Ms. Pain, How would this work? How would our government work? I mean, what would be your duties as president?"
Palin replied: "No problemo! I would do the fun stuff, you know ride around in a neat horse drawn carriage with one of those cool robin's-egg blue hats, have big state dinners, take the kids places on Air Force One with my new yellow flight jacket, and throw out the first baby seal in the annual Baby Seal Bashing Jamboree! It will be a blast! Other than that, Todd could do the hard stuff, you know, like he did in Alaska."
As the news media talked among themselves in total disbelief, no one really knew what to say until a reporter from the NYT asked: "Is that all there is, Governor?"
"Well," Palin replied, "Oh no, not at all, I'll probably send Bristol to the Middle East, you know, get the Jews ready for the final days and stuff like that. They should be really glad to get it all over with, don'tcha know." She paused again, looked thoughtful, and added, "We've got some house cleaning to do too. We'll probably give Levi Johnson and a few others a Bradley Manning," she paused, "if you catch my drift, and restrict MSNBC broadcasting to two hours a day from 3 AM to 5AM. Other than that, you know, we'll play it by ear."
NYT reporter: "And that's it?!"
Palin smiled once again, brushed back her hair and said, "No, not all. At night Todd and I will go to bed in The Lincoln Daybed. It should be a comfort to all of the ordinary citizens in this great country of ours," she paused and gave her trademark wink, "to know that they are not the only ones getting a royal fucking!"