Written by Morse
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Monday, 6 June 2011

image for Pinnochoio Weiner Admits He's a Perv, a Liar, & Deviant, With a Wanking Problem - But Won't Resign!
Weiner's Nose Almost Back to Normal After Admitting "I Lied!"

Congressman Anthony Weiner appeared in a bizarre national press conference to confirm what had become apparent in the past few days, the man is a serial internet wanker!

Despite his short comings, which continue to pour in, and led to his startling confession, Weiner says he will not resign in the face of national outrage and personal embarrassment.

Fighting back tears as he discussed how he apologized to his wife (sigh), over his fetish of sending cloaked penis pictures to nubile female followers, and explicit sexual text messages to additional 'followers' revealed today, Weiner proclaimed that he would continue to work 'VERY HARD" for his constituents to 'fill their pot holes" (Ed Note: I am not making this up) and deal with their everyday expectations for their local government.

Weiner did not mention whether he would continue to seek the mayoralty of NYC, but did stress that HE DID NOTHING WRONG that would affect his work as an elected official of the US government, and hence why he refused to step down from his post as a Democratic member of the US Congress.

Weiner went on to say that he would do everything he could to regain the trust of his liberal base in NY, including, but not limited to, planting an entire Blue Spruce forest on Israel's border with Syria, proposing an earmark of $1.2B for Israel to combat Internet Hacking Attacks affecting national security, and most importantly to never again to take a picture of his Penis and post it on the internet.

Unfortunately Weiner never apologized to several media personalities who he personally accused of hacking his account for posting bogus pictures on his networking site.

Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Shultz (DWS), said she didn't not have a comment at this time concerning the political future of Weiner.

"Congressman Weiner has come clean and given us a lot to digest right now, " she said, swallowing hard, "I have no doubt despite his personal perversions that don't impact on our goal to get President Obama re erected, ah...scratch that, re elected, Anthony means well, but is still traumatized over the damage President Bush did to his psyche during his administration...he thinks he'll be fully recovered if Barry gets 4 more years!"

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