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Topics: Los Angeles

Sunday, 5 June 2011

image for Overindulged Girl Gets Mauled By Panda In Bathroom

Los Angeles, CA - 13-year-old Annalise Van Buren, resident of Beverly Hills, was mauled to death Saturday afternoon by a giant panda living in her bathroom.

Parents, Stewart and Charlotte Van Buren, purchased the giant panda for their daughter's 13th birthday in an attempt to impress family and friends. "We decided early on that our children would be provided with only the finest things. Our mistake was keeping the panda in the bathroom. We should have kept him in the maid's quarters."

Annalise was a student at Upton Country Day School in Beverly Hills. Fellow student Courtney Nelson was overheard saying, "Serves her right. She was a stuck up bitch."

There was a candlelight vigil held last evening in Memorial Park. Sadly, the only people in attendance were the PETA demonstrators.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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