Written by Don Fulsom
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Friday, 3 June 2011

Jack Kevorkian, the controversial M.D. who promoted assisted suicide, is dead of non-assisted and non-suicidal causes. He expired in an assisted-living center for non- suicidal seniors. He was 83.

A spokesman for "Assisted-Living Is Better than Suicide," a gated community for rich but frail elders, said Kevorkian died of heart and kidney problems and "was at peace with the world-except with those jackasses who made fun of him while he was alive."

Kevorkian was convicted in 1999 of second-degree murder and served eight years in prison. He admitted assisting about 130 suicides.

Authorities say there are no plans to conduct an autopsy to determine Kevorkian committed assisted- or non-assisted suicide on himself while attendants at the assisted-living center weren't looking.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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