Written by Morse
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

image for It's CRAP! Two Weeks After Taking Office Chicago Mayor Emanuel Announces City Casino, Slots in Airports & No Indians!
What Happens in Chi Town Stays in Chi Town...Especially All Your Money!

Former White House Chief of Staff, ballet dancer, Mossad Agent and potty mouthed politician Rahm Emanuel did what the former Daley Family, both father and son. couldn't accomplish in 46 years, return Chicago to the 1930's...in just two weeks!

Elected on February 22 2010 with 123% of the vote, and sworn in May 17, Emanuel announced today that the Windy City, some say it really blows, would be building it's first casino, as well as installing slot machines in the area's race tracks, airports, bus stations, Laundromats, and abandoned crack houses in the city's south side.

Chicago Police, forced to shut down one of the city's most popular beaches under the guise of hot weather, but in reality because it was about to become the scene of 'urban unrest riots' which erupted in Myrtle Beach, Boston, Rochester, Nashville and South Beach in Miami, welcomed the news.

"This will keep the kids off the street and into the gambling arcades where they belong, ' said long time gang crime detective Antonio "Big Thumb" Rizzio. "Hopefully they'll give up their violent internet games and Facebook accounts and become number runners for the Mayor and earn an honest living!"

According to the Mayor's office, this will be the first legalized gambling enterprise that does not involve Native American Indians, who have leveraged their way into several states as part of reparations granted by the Federal Government after almost annihilating most American Indian Tribes during federally mandated genocide programs which continue to this day under the corrupt Manger of Indian Affairs.

When questioned why no Illini Indians were represented in the lucrative city sponsored venture, Emanuel said with a sneer, "It's simple....we won they lost!"

Most Illini were wiped out in the 1700's and were forced to move to Kansas and Oklahoma were they still manage to exist today.

In addition to moving forward with 'legalized' gambling, a spokesman for the Mayor's office said Emanuel is looking into taking over all of the successful micro breweries in the city under eminent domain.

"There's a lot of money in beer being pissed away, " he reportedly said to a group of close confidants including Rev. Wright, Roger Ayers, Bernadette Dorn and Chicago's biggest slum landlord, presidential advisor Valerie Jarrett.

Alderman Shwanna DeeWayne Mohammad agreed along with state senator Jesse Jackson Jr. "You control the numbers, the slots and the booze...we be in fat city baby, we already got the banks and the ho's....dis be the final step to the final RAPTURE!"

Mayor Emanuel refused to comment on NY Congressman Anthony Weiner's Weiner and 'Weinergate."

Said Emanuel, "Just because I'm Jewish doesn't mean I have to like the PUTZ!"

Make Morse's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 1?

5 3 4 10
80 readers are online right now!

Go to top