Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 3 June 2011

image for Glenn Beck Promises He Will Run For President If He Can Get His Uncontrollable Crying Under Control
Glenn Beck is never farther than six feet from his trusty box of Kleenex. (Photo courtesy of Jesse James).

FARGO, North Dakota - Glenn Beck was in town visiting the largest Plastic Fruit Museum in the entire world even larger than the one located in Shizzleville, Upper Shambutu in Africa.

He was asked by a reporter for iRumors about the rumor that he is considering entering the GOP presidential primaries.

Beck, dressed in a Nazi uniform, giggled and remarked to reporter Margarita Mixx that he has thought about it and that several of his closest friends including fellow Nazi memorabilia collector Jesse James, the former Mr. Sandra Bullock, have urged him to throw his Nazi helmet into the ring.

It is no secret that Glenn Beck and Jesse James possess the largest collection of World War II Nazi artifacts, relics, keepsakes, curios, and mementos in the entire Western Hemisphere.

This past Christmas Beck bought himself a 1941 Luftwaffe Heinkel HE 111 Bomber. He purchased it from a World War II Nazi Museum in Stuttgart, Germany that was going out of business.

Beck informed Miss Mixx that on two different occasions two film production companies have leased some of his Nazi collectibles for films about World War II Germany.

He said that TriMoon Films leased his one-of-kind Adolf Hitler Nazi Flag Bedspread which had been autographed by the Fuhrer himself for the Tyler Perry - Oprah Winfrey film Achtung! I Said.

And Lions Face Pictures used his Panzerfaust Anti-Tank Weapon in the David Hasselhoff motion picture Hey, I Got Your Nazi Propaganda Right Here.

Beck was asked if it bothers him that the FOX Network has decided to end their working relationship with him. Beck laughed and then started to cry. He could not talk, but was able to jot down the word 'no.'

After gaining his composure, six minutes later, he remarked that it really and truly does not bother him one bit. He then excused himself as he reached for his ever-present box of Kleenex tissues.

Beck said that he feels that his leaving FOX is really a blessing in disguise because now he can devote himself full time to his one love and that is the collecting of Nazi memorabilia.

When asked about him possibly getting into the Republican primaries he giggled and sounded a little like 9-year-old Piper Palin.

He raised his eyebrows and confided to Margarita Mixx that he plans on doing that very thing but it all hinges on whether he can manage to get his uncontrollable crying under control.

Glenn Beck celebrated his 47th birthday this past February. He confessed that his favorite celebrity personality is Heidi Montag followed closely by Britney Spears, Anderson Cooper, and Charlie Sheen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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