Written by wadenelson
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Topics: Police, Death

Monday, 7 November 2005

image for Death Row Inmate Re-Captured, Shocked using Pay Phone
Charles Celebrating Charlie's Recapture

Shreveport -- Death Row Inmate Charlie Thompson was recaptured today in Shreveport Louisiana. But there's no need to electrocute him. He reportedly got the "shock of his life," when police showed up as he talked on a pay phone outside a liquor store. Thompson, who utilized "Intelligent Design" to walk right out of a Harris County (Texas) county jail, apparently hadn't watched enough TV crime dramas to know that the phones of all his relatives were tapped and his call was being traced. He was also, reportedly, drunk.

Thompson had a bicycle he'd pedaled from Austin to Shreveport, and had worked up a "mighty thirst." A liquor store proved to be too much of a temptation after all his years in the slammer and next thing you know he was sauced and bragging to all his friends about his escape -- on a pay phone. Notified by the FBI, which traced the call, after the intoxicated Thompson spoke for more than 17 minutes on the phone, which everyone who watches TV knows they can trace a call in 30 seconds (in reality: instantaneously, just like caller ID) Shreveport police showed up.

All 500 of them. Shotguns drawn, lights flashing, dogs snarling, every cop on the force wanted to be THE copy who collared Charlie. Unfortunately, drunk, he didn't put up much of a fight, and ultimately threw up in the back of the squad car.

"He was standing in front of a liquor store and appeared to be intoxicated," Martin said.
When the officers asked his name, he said "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of welfare and taste. Specifically, Miller High Life a 40 ouncer -- his third in a row."

All sorts of people are now trying to collect the $10,000 reward had been offered for information leading to Charlie's capture, including former FBI director Louis Freehandout, who claims he correctly "profiled" the victims utilization of a bicycle.

Thompson, 35, is scheduled to be in court Monday morning in Shreveport, in handcuffs, leg irons, tire irons, wearing a shock belt, and surrounded by guards. If he waves extradition, or his hands, guards have orders to shoot him on the spot.

Thompson, who reportedly can't keep his mouth shut, reportedly prefers Miller to Budweiser beer, according to the proprietor of the liquor store. "But you shouldda seen the look on his face when all those cop cars showed up. I swear, it looked like he got the shock of his life. He turned white as a ghost and his eyes bugged out -- like some guy getting electrocuted or something.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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