BULLETIN: A story that was first reported by Al-Jareeza has now been confirmed by Reuters: The internationally respected, conservative pundit known to millions of followers as Dr. Billingsgate, has converted to Islam.
Considered a coup for a beleaguered religion that was in need of an infusion of respectability, the addition of this intellectual giant could change the universal perception of Muslims. The acceptance of Islam by the over educated Doctor, who admits to at least twelve Doctorates in fields as diverse as Animal Husbandry and Taxidermy, should not startle anyone familiar with his background.
As an example of his diversity of philosophy, when asked to identify the person who best exemplifies the spirit of the 20th century, Dr. Billingsgate picked Curly, the affable idiot of Three Stooges fame. Dr. B, in his writings, has often repeated the mantra made famous by his hero; "I'm trying to think, but nothing happens."
It is expected that the rulers of most Middle Eastern countries, especially the blood thirsty Jihadists, the bespectacled, bearded imams and the counter revolutionary mujahidin, will quickly embrace Dr. Billingsgate as part of their attempt to convince the Western world that smoke is more revealing than fire.
As a lifetime Christian, it is lamentable that the good doctor has chosen to cast his lot with those who laugh at death because 72 virgins await to give them individual toe massages in the great hereafter. But as he matured in body and soul, the thought of jumping in the rack with a bevy of quail willing to grant unimaginable sensual pleasures became irresistible. One billion Muslims cannot all be wrong.