Written by Jean Le Fete
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for Sarah Palin Says: I Will Only Run If America Truly Wants Me
Sarah Palin and Daughter enjoy new back yard in Arizona

Sarah Palin stepped out of her new mansion in a Phoenix subdivision yesterday, accompanied by her 40 new staffers. In her yard is a newly erected podium complete with American flag, weather proof microphone and teleprompter. Still, the former Governor of Alaska spurned the notion she is leaning towards a run in 2012.

Instead she had this to say, "Hi, I would like to begin my daily press briefing by introducing my new aides who will be helping me with my next book, as well as selecting some nice dresses, shoes, panties, hosiery, and feminine protection. I am most certainly not intending to run for President in 2012. The feature length movie I made about myself and is airing in Iowa, is just a coincidence that most certainly does not indicate I am running for President in 2012 against the lamest Republican field in the history of our county....er....I mean country...would somebody check the spelling on this damned teleprompter!"

Palin then went on to talk about her latest book, "I'm Not A Republican Hooker", which details her repulsion of the John McCain political establishment and its treatment of her as a political liability even as it tried to claim how proud of her they were, "It goes to show that I'm not a detriment to all the gains by women in the past 40 years. I believe women should dress in red and say as many lupid things as they gosh darn can!"

To show she is not afraid of Katie Couric, Palin has agreed to a no holds barred interview...under certain conditions:

  1. No cheap shots that make me sound "chirpy" in my responses
  2. No follow up questions if I say something stupid.
  3. I get to determine when I've said something stupid
  4. You don't get to determine when I've said something stupid
  5. That would be like me saying you're stupid and not giving you a chance to un-stupify yourself
  6. No questions below the belt. What are ya a damned lesbian?
  7. No questions about my marriage or impending divorce
  8. I have the right to put you on a "time out" if I think you're getting to snooty, or I'm not comfortable and need to change my underwear.
  9. No questions about my daughter on Dancing With The Stars and my bizarre relationship with each of the judges.
  10. And Absolutely no questions about why I think Brack O' Bama's long Birth Certificate is faker than a 1 dollar bill.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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