Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Congress, GOP, Rehab

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

The wire services are reporting this morning that the RNC, on behalf of the GOP, is starting a nationwide search for candidates in the 2012 congressional elections. This comes in the aftermath of the Democratic victory in up-state NY where a Republican has held the seat for one hundred years. The search is being conducted in the nation's homeless shelters and rehab centers.

"Our party is a big tent party," said a spokesman for the RNC. "Therefore, it makes sense for us to find some of our candidates in a tent. We want real folks who face today's real problems. Tents are a good place to start."

According to sources within the RNC, each candidate is given a brand-new ten-dollar bill and a pint of Thunderbird. Those that have basic verbal skills, an eighth-grade education and a valid birth certificate, are automatically approved for entry as the GOP congressional candidate in their district. "So far, there are no takers," said the RNC spokesman.

One prospect told the AP that he had turned down the RNC offer. T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC, spoke to the reporter from a rehab center in Raleigh, NC. "My Mama didn't raise no stupid kids," said McCorkle. "I got me a flop, three squares a day, and in three weeks I'll be sober a month. Aint no way I'm gonna throw that away. Besides, I may be a drunk and I may be homeless, but I aint no whore!"

The RNC spokesman upon hearing of McCorkle's whore remark said, "Interesting. McCorkle may be right. This could help us to expand our search."

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