Written by Cal Jennings
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Topics: Terrorism, School, Guns

Monday, 23 May 2011

image for Trampling on the 2nd Amendment!
"Tea Party" anyone?

CCN (Crazy Cal News) MAGNOLIA, TEXAS - "The Tribune," the Magnolia newspaper, reports that the first grader brought a loaded gun to Ellisor Elementary on May 9th. The gun father said the 9mm Beretta wasn't loaded when the student got home. The student had gotten the gun from his mother's closet. The Constable's Office now has three sworn statements that the gun was loaded. The mother faces a misdemeanor charge if the judge believes the gun had ammunition.

The MISD School Board Policy and MISD Student Code of Conduct state that "a student shall be expelled from school if the student possesses, uses, exhibits any firearm, illegal knife, club or prohibited weapon, on school property or while attending a school sponsored or school-related activity on or off school property." The policy also states that "a student younger than 10 years of age shall not be expelled but shall be placed in a disciplinary alternative education program."

Governor Rick Perry, a strong Tea Party and Koch Industries supporter, responded.

"Don't these people realize that the MISD is trampling the 2nd Amendment rights of that poor first grader? How are we going to keep those scary terrorists out of the first grade now? I think every first grader should carry a loaded weapon to class! That would show Osama bin Laden who's boss! Oh, I forgot. He's dead. Still, that was probably a lie so President Obama could carry out his secret agenda. I'll bet bin Laden is hiding out in Obama's secret room in the White House! He's probably calling all the shots for that puppet we have for a president!

"I think it should be mandatory for every student in every grade, starting with Kindergarten, to come to class armed and ready for action. Screw those 9mm pistols. We should issue them M-16s at the door! Put a couple Kindergarteners on the roof with M24s to take out anyone who even LOOKS like a terrorist before they GET to the school! After all, that's what Jesus would do!"

Governor Perry announced that he will soon introduce legislation requiring child attending school, be it public or home school, to be armed at all times. The exception, of course, being terrorist students.

Koch Industries fully supports the bill and has offered to donate weapons to school children provided they each pull a twelve hour shift at their places of business after school. Perry has agreed to the stipulations and will introduce the bill next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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