Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 21 May 2011

image for Sarah and Todd Palin's Son Track Marries Britta Hanson In a Royal Alaskan Wedding With Everyone Dressed in Jeans
The helicopter from Anchorage flying in the Palin-Hanson Wedding Party wedding cake. (Photo by Piper Palin).

HATCHERS PASS, Alaska - The little Alaskan village of Hatchers Pass was the scene of the biggest wedding in the area since 1897, when Eskimo Chief Sha Na Na's daughter Ohh La la married Hookerholt "Snowballs" Broomprackle, the son of Hollander and Snowy Broomprackle of the salmon fishing Broomprackle moguls.

The groom Track "Trucky" Palin, son of Sarah "Snowflake" Palin and Todd "Salmon Hook" Palin was dressed in a black 'I Love Alaska' sweater and Levi 501 Jeans.

The bride Britta "Blondie" Hanson, daughter of Reverend Duane "Collection Plate" Hanson and Elisabeth "Yessir" Hanson looked semi-stunningish wearing her hair in a Taylor Swift type basic 101 hairdo.

"Blondie" as she is called due to her blonde hair, was dressed in a white waiters coat, a black 'Iceberg State University' pullover, and a pair of black loose-fitting jeans.

The groom's mother looked sort of funky in a black sweater with the word "Crosshairs" monogrammed across the top left side. Mrs. Palin wore moss green jeans, camouflage socks, and had a Glock 9 tucked in the front of her pants just in case some wayward moose happened to saunter by.

Todd Palin wore a brown Upper Alaskan Salmon Fishing Guide Agency cap and a pair of Wrangler blue jeans that were torn at the crotch.

Todd's salmon fishing guide and BFF Nanicka Zapalicka was not invited to the wedding, but she did send a gift. Todd said that he helped her pick it out. It was a Buffalo Bill Deluxe Model 7X Double-Barrel Sawed-Off Shotgun made for hunting grizzly bears at close range.

Since the wedding was held outside all of the wedding party wore snowshoes, mittens, and underwear mini-heaters.

All of the Palin kids were also present including Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trigg along with Bristol's son Tripp and the Palin cousins Twitter, Tater, Trixx, Tooter, Twinkie, Taco, Tivo, Tubby, Tattoo, and Tic Tac.

After a wedding trip to the local Dairy Queen the newlyweds will make their home in Track's old bedroom at his parents Wasilla home, Casa Moscow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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