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Thursday, 19 May 2011

image for Donald Trump's Wig Goes On The Lam Following White House Upset
Fellow wigs have pleaded with Trump's toupee to give itself up quietly

In sensational news today the NYPD has issued an APB on Donald Trump's wig, following its owner's decision to withdraw from the race for The White House earlier this week. The ginger frizz-ball is believed to be armed and dangerous and members of the public are being advised not to approach the disturbed rug under any circumstances.

Sargent Alvin Stadenko made the following statement, "Hey what can I tell youse guys for God sakes? The goddamn wig's on the lam and we believe it may want to settle a grudge against The Donald. Mr Trump has had a team of crack FBI agents assigned to him for his own personal safety until we catch the deranged toupee."

This ends speculation that Trump and his wig shared an easy-going business relationship, and psychologists now believe that the syrup only agreed to sit atop the business mogul's head in the hope of landing the biggest job in the western world. However it's become clear that the relationship was purely one of convenience, and experts seem united in their belief that the wig has embarked on a desperate hell or glory attempt to go it alone.

Trump issued the following communique this evening. "My son, Don Jr, and my daughter, Ivanka, are great business people who have made it to where they are today without the slightest hint of nepotism. And they are standing by me at what is a difficult time for the family."

Reports that the wig raided a East Manhattan Liquor Store on the corner of 49th and 12th could not be confirmed, as quite frankly it sounds a bit made up - like something out of Kojak or maybe Cagney and Lacey - but it's known that the hapless hairdo hasn't had any 'product' applied to it now for at least 12 hours and that it's sure to be getting more desperate with every passing hour.

Cops hope that they can take the wig alive if it does break cover, but the possibility that it might have to be gunned down in cold blood like a rabid dog cannot be ruled out.

Celebrity hairdresser, Vidal Sassoon, warned the authorities against doing anything that would provoke the rug into wreaking havoc out there in the big city, and he has offered to give it a free shampoo and trim if it gives itself up quietly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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