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Wednesday, 18 May 2011

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Gingrich 'about as charismatic as Dick Cheney on acid'

Minnesota - Wannabe Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich was showered with 'gay' glitter during a barnstorming book signing session today.

Gingrich and his wife Callista (Flockheart? Nah! That's Harrison Ford's little bundle of bulimia...) ended up sparkly-headed when local protestor Nick Espinosa doused them at Walmarts.

The couple were self-promoting ahead of a full tilt at the Republican nomination, described widely from coast to coast as scraping the proverbial barrel bottom.

"Newt's got zero chance," Minnesota Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Collective chair Randy Blowback commented today, "for one thing he's an uptight Catholic asshole and the last one of those we had as President ended up on a Dallas morgue slab!

"Besides, the womanizing old goat's about as charismatic as Dick Cheney on acid. Need I go on??"

Sarah Palin is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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