Washington -- His favorite Scooter broke a bone in his foot after putting it in his mouth, big-time. Then his brown-nosing lawyer bailed when he tried to do "something nice" for her. The death toll in Iraq topped 2000, with "Completing the Mission" as improbable as America finding Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. Add it all up, and it was a bad week for George Bush. Who can blame him for calling up his old college buddies, Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan to commisserate, and knocking back a few stiffies?
"No George!" is what the National Enquirer claims Laura Bush screamed when she caught George cavorting with his old buddies. Tuesday night is traditionally reserved for country dancing, and 12-stepping in the Oval office with a variety of staffers and lobbyists. But off the record, and off the wagon, George Jr. is reportedly a very happy, swinging guy without a care in the world when he's around his old friends.
"Cindy Shee-Man, who's that?" asked the lit President, slurring his words. "Valerie Flame," she's REALLY outta the closet now, isn't she" joked a jovial George. Her career at the CIA is like the job I had at the National Guard -- just pick up my check now and then, ar ar arh.
With the Christian Right and the Neo-Cons all waiting at the gatesfor George to slip and fall, the pressure has reportedly become intense. And that's when having a kegerator in the Oval Office pays off.
Instead of being forced to sneak twelve packs of Keystone in the limo, the kitchen staff makes sure kegs of microbrews are always "on tap" for visiting dignitaries and VIP's. And if it's good enough for them, why not the Prez himself, eh?
With Dick Cheney's finger on the red button just WAITING for George to head for Crawford, rehab, or parts unknown, the drinking problem becomes a nation's problem. After all, who wants the vindictive, foul-mouthed Cheney as president of the you-knighted states. Can I see a show of hands. Oh, yes, all youHalliburton executives in the back. Ok.
Friends of Bill Wilson have reportedly been calling on the White House every day to try and let George know that it's ok, that if God commanded him to invade Iraq, and the war is a failure, God is to blame, not George, and that drinking won't help matters either way.
But until then -- bottom's up!