Written by Sparky Fletcher
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Tuesday, 17 May 2011

HEAVEN (Friggemall Wire Services) - God, seated in a great golden throne towering high above the realm of Heaven, said he was still giving thought to how to respond to famed British scientist Stephen Hawking's claim that Heaven is "a fairy story."

"He's certainly given me something to ponder," said God, omnipotent creator of the universe and all life within. "I've got a few...well, let's be frank -- infinite -- number of ways I can respond to his statement."

God noted that he inflicted Hawking with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis at age 21 after reading the book Hawking would eventually write, titled "The Grand Design." Due to the non-linear nature of time in Heaven, God was able to read the book on his Kindle before Hawking had actually written the tome.

"So I've already done the disease thing," God said. "I'm thinking a nice trip down a long flight of stairs might be in order. And sometimes terrible things happen to those who don't chew their food thoroughly."

The supreme creator said he expects his decision to be made soon, after which he'll come up with a response to the next book Hawking will write in which he calls God "a phantom of the human mind."

Hawking was busy choking on a bite of sandwich and was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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