Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 17 May 2011

image for Schwarzenegger Changes Nickname to "The Sperminator"
"Yaaa. Dis is how I can help struggling families da best"

More tidbits are leaking out from Schwarzenegger/Shriver divorce announcement, as the former California Governor admitted to fathering a child more than 10 years ago with one of his domestic staffers, taking his conservative/wholesome family values political platform to a whole new and interesting level.

Shriver, clearly not invited to that party, had no comment about the bastard child, though Schwarzenegger's executive assistant feels that this does open a door of investment opportunity for the man formerly known as the "Terminator" and "Governator".

"We think this might be a good time to open those fertility clinics Arnold was thinking about investing in", says Schwarzenegger's assistant, Hugo Furst. "Partnered with two fertility specialists who historically achieve a 90% pregnancy success rate, Doctors Ben Thayer and Don Thaat will take Arnold's highly potent sperm and mix it with the donor's to create super hero-like fertilizer. Pregnancy is quite literally assured".

There was no confirmation from Schwarzenegger whether he fancied the possibility of fathering potentially thousands of muscle bound little Austrians with protruding foreheads, but Furst commented, "Arnold wants to do what he can for society, and help those families struggling to conceive their first child. He'll even schedule a private session with the wife provided she matches his minimum requirements for height, body fat content and bone structure."

Names for the franchised fertility clinics are still under consideration though Furst says they would like to open five locations on the West Coast as soon as possible. "We took a cue from the Jerry Lewis Telethon, but thought better of naming the clinic 'Arnold's Kids'. Arnold did come up with an advertising slogan for the clinic however. It reads: We Fix Girlie Men".

Sperminator Clinics, or whatever they are eventually called, are scheduled to open their doors by September 30.

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