Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Oil, Congress, Bicycle

Monday, 16 May 2011

The big oil executives came to Congress this last week and told them to "stick it!" As one executive put it, "Let them eat cake and if they can't afford a few dollars for gas they can ride their bicycles to the welfare office. Most of these people don't even know how to play racquetball!"

Senator Charles Schumer of NY was outraged. He asked the executive, "Are you in this world? Have you any idea how out of touch you are?"

The executive replied, "It's you that's out of touch, Mr. Senator from," he paused and said the next three words slowly, New---York---City! You couldn't even get into my country club, if you know what I mean!"

The wire services are reporting that the executives, one by one, were disdainful of the entire proceedings and were bored beyond comprehension. One of them finally said, "Look, we pay you to make things right for us. Why all this theatre when you just cashed another of our checks? I never have been able to understand the mentality of you worker bees. Get a life!"

The president of Exxon summed up the proceeding by saying, "The proletariat will always be with us. They all came here as immigrants, or their parents, or their grand-parents, or their great, great grand-parents. They are the great unwashed. Let them eat pop tarts!"

As Jay Rockefeller started his rant against the executives, each of the five Republican Senators on the committee looked at each other, nodded and left the podium. The committee room fell silent. Then, each walked down to where the executives were sitting and, one by one, sat on their laps! As the Senators whispered in the ear of each executive, the committee room was filled with shouts of disdain and disgust. The Senators calmly returned to their seats as the people in the gallery booed and threw objects onto the floor. One observer said it was like being at a Browns Steelers game. A reporter from the Washington Post observed the executives grew red in the face as the Senators sat on theirs laps. "I didn't know if it was the flush of victory," said the reporter, "or a sexual flush!"

In related news, the five executives from Big Oil were observed leaving the Capitol building sharing a hand sanitizer as they scurried to their waiting limousines.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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