On the heels of Harriet Miers withdrawing her name from Supreme Court nomination, President Bush has selected another woman. Bush announced today that, "I have decided to stick with a woman and a judge. You all knocked me because Harriet was not experienced. My new choice is experienced. I can see her every day on my television set at 4:30 dispensing justice with an iron gavel. Judge Judy Sheinlin will make a great Supreme Court Justice."
"I was originally going to go with that judge from Texas Justice, but then I remembered that I wasn't supposed to nominate another Texan. I also wanted to go with Judge Wapner, but I have not seen him judging anything but bad doggies for a while ever since he left The People's Court. I figure that Judge Judy should make everyone happy because she's a woman and she gets pretty good ratings."
"I really like it when she gives it to someone because they won't shut up or pay their bills or ripped someone off. I'm sure she'll give those liberals on the court some lip if they try to put something over on the rest of the country."
When asked who he would nominate if Judge Judy did not clear the Senate approval process, Bush said that he had a list. "I figured that the third person on my list would make everyone happy because she is a woman and she's black. She's also halfway to the Supreme Court because she used to be the leader of the Supremes. Her name is Diana Ross."
"If they don't like her, or Clarence Thomas drops dead or something, then I'm gonna nominate Dr. J. He was really good on the courts when he played with the 76ers. SInce lots of lawyers like to be called Dr., he also qualifies that way. SInce he's black too, it should make the minorities happy."
"If, for some reason, they don't like these guys, then I'm gonna nominate Alan Greenspan from the Federal Reserve. He's gonna retire from there this year and is already like 120 years old. I think they already imbalmed him, so he should live forever and strike down Roe versus Wade every ten years for the rest of eternity."
We asked the President if he had anyone else in mind should Greenspan not survive the approval process.
"I also think that Dan Quayle is a good possibility. He is so smart! He even taught me how to spell potatoe!"