Due to the sudden demise of Oprah Winfrey's last scheduled guest on her soon-to-be-history eponymous TV show, she has once again pulled another PR coup.
"We were all set with Mr. bin Laden," said Ms. Winfrey. "His people had it all worked out with my people and we were all set to do a live remote in AbbottandCostellabad. All we had to do was pay off the Pakistani security forces. We should have done the same thing with the CIA and Barack. Who knew my President had 'cojones'. Anyway, when we saw the photos of a bloody-eyed, white bearded Osama, we knew he'd make a lousy last guest...especially when he was going to be reclining in my leather sofa dripping wet."
When asked about Mr. bin Laden's replacement, the rumors became official.
"I can't think of a better substitute than my dear old friend, Pope Benedict XVI. I called and he can't wait to come to Chicago and show off his latest strudel recipe."