An obsessed American Susan Boyle fanatic has today married a life-sized cardboard cut-out of SuBo at his home in Redneck County.
The cut-out, known as 'Flat Susan', has been used by fanatics at numerous 'Meet & Boast' gatherings around the USA over the past year.
"Susan has rejected my many marriage proposals," grumbled the fanatic. "I've no idea why. Nobody loves her more than me! I have sent her expensive gifts, flowers, locks of my hair (which I admit should probably have been from my head), and I have personally made several million sickly 'tribute' videos. I even made one for the bus driver who drove her to the Glasgow audition. All I get in return is a restraining order," he continued to grumble.
"Marrying Flat Susan was the next best thing! I had to wait until I could divorce the cow I married last year, but now Flat Susan is all mine!" grinned the toothless fanatic.
The ceremony was conducted by local pig farmer, and part-time clergyman, Reverend E. Z. Cash. "I'll marry anything to anything for a hundred bucks and a sack o' corn!" he cackled.
Fanatics from around the USA attended the ceremony.
"What a beautiful service. I've never seen Flat Susan looking so reflective!" sobbed some fanatic with a red scarf.
The 'couple' are expected to honeymoon somewhere dry so Flat Susan doesn't become 'Mushy Susan'!