Written by anthonyrosania
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Monday, 9 May 2011

image for Catsup Heir Heinz Ward Arrested for Steeling

Hines Ward, daughter of Catsup inventor Governor Henry John Heinz III and Maria Teresa Thierstein Simões-Ferreira Heinz, Esq. was briefly arrested and held at gunpoint last week in a mix-up over a car reported stolen.

See, the joke is...

... Hines Ward is a Pittsburgh STEELer, and when he scores, fans call it STEELing, which is why the word stealing was spelled STEELing in the headline. But, you know, feel free to edit it and ruin the joke. Hey, my cat is a male; you wanna cut his balls of too?

Ward, a Pittsburgh Steel worker, was pulled over in his bright-red, $300,000 Rolls-Royce after police received a call that a black man with big hands stole a white 2008 Chrysler 300.

After being pulled over, tased, pepper-sprayed and doused with firehoses, officers handcuffed Ward and his date, professional dancer Kym Johnson, before firing 11 'warning shots' at the couple.

"It was a complete misunderstanding," said Police spokespersons. "They all look alike, you know? THE CARS, I mean. The cars. The Rolls looks a lot like the Chrysler 300, you know. I was referring to the cars, not, you know, Negros."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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