Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Monday, 9 May 2011

The wire services are reporting today that, since last weekend's debate in SC, the GOP has been running ads for potential 2012 presidential candidates on Craigslidy. According to sources inside the RNC speaking on condition of anonymity, there have been hundreds of applications. "A great many of these applicants are prostitutes," said the source, "but of course we haven't eliminated these folks based on this one condition as we wouldn't want to insult those already in the race. There are however, many other qualities we are looking for."

"Basically,' said the source, "what we are looking for here are good Christian folks with strong family values. The number of marriages isn't important but sexual preference certainly can eliminate these folks out of hand. The applications contain the following qualifications:

Race: Included is a color chart.

Religion: Must be Evangelical Christian. Option: Must pretend to be an Evangelical Christian.

Physical:
Male: large to morbidly obese male with stern countenance, threatening manner, and whose mere presence can make small children cry.

Female: Small, petite, cute, cheerful countenance, good smile, 34 double D, and whose mere presence can make strong men weak and weak men strong.

Education:
Male: At least an eight grade education.
Female: At least a sixth grade education or equivalent. Knowledge of U.S. history dating back to 2008 required.

Age:
Males 55-80
Females 40-43

All applicants will be required to submit a 200 word essay: Why evolution is NOT a timely subject.

The source stated that applicants will be notified if accepted for consideration. Interviews will be held at cheap hotels scattered around the country. "The eventual nominee may not come from this group,'" he paused, "but they sure as hell will make the fund raisers in West Hollywood a hit!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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