Everywhere, USA - It's that special time again . Yes, so soon. It comes around fast. In the beautiful month of May, Mother's Day is the ONE day a year when children, small and large, young and old, can show how much they love their mommy. The best way to do that is to buy Mom something that's truly from the heart, that says you care, and is also the biggest, most badass gift you can think of to make yourself feel okay during the other 364 days of the year of normal, self-centered behavior.
Susan Dontgiveadamn of Whocares, Wisconsin, plans to fly her mother to Donald Trump's lavish Mar A Lago estate for the afternoon and then it's on to Paris for a few hours of sightseeing and croissants. Next, it'll be Vegas for a spa treatment and then home to Whocares.
"That should hold her for the year, I hope. Not sure what else I can do. I try once a year, anyway."
Pete Neverseezher of Toofartovisit, Nevada, is determined to really make it a special day for Mom.
"I'm going to have "Ace of Cakes" Chef Duff make my Mom a 50 tier cake, covered in gold leaf that's been mixed with my own tears, topped with a flashing neon sign that says, 'I Love You Always, I Really Mean It, Seriously, From Your Loving Son, Pete."
Not to be outdone in the Love Dept., Chrissy Cantgetaminute of Outtawork, Los Angeles, will recreate the entire Disneyland theme park in her living room, including her mom's favorite rides, Pirates of the Caribbean and The Haunted Mansion.
"I would hope that recreating Disneyland in my living room makes up for all the money Mom loaned my brokeass self this year. If not, oh well. She can't say I didn't try, okay? OKAY?"
While Mother's Day can be a day of bittersweet joy, deep guilt is always a wonderful thing, especially for all the lucky moms on this special day.