UPS General Manager Mr. Thomas Jefferson and FedEx General Manager Mr. Abraham Lincoln have filed "Missing Equipment" reports with the F.B.I. after the death of Osama Bin Laden led to rumors of a possible counter-attack against the United States.
According to company sources a routine inventory is done after each incident of terrorism and the inventory is double-checked every time that a cargo vehicle is suspected of having been used to bomb any location.
It was in fact a local operations worker a Mr. Johnathan Strawberry who noticed the missing equipment upon his return from his regular lunch hour yesterday.
Reports say that Mr. Strawberry returned from a nearby restaurant to find that security at his property seemed "out-of-whack". After a basic inspection failed to turn up 20 cargo vans Mr. Strawberry sent an alert to main office.
According to FedEx headquarters an immediate verification was done showing that of the sites 75 trucks of which 45 are missing only 21 were signed out by drivers on authorized delivery routes.
For reasons unknown FedEx then contacted UPS to ask about missing trucks.
An anonymous source verifies that UPS could be missing up to 100 trucks.
The police have confirmed forced but very FAST entry over what seems to be America's "official" lunch hour: 11 a.m. til 1 p.m.
Since the trucks especially the UPS trucks have gone missing from across the United Sates both companies have agreed to have A.P.B.'s put out on their trucks.
Citizens should be on the watch for large dark brown vans driven probably by people in brown clothes. Do NOT attempt to approach or apprehend the driver since they may be wired.
Also be watchful for any white vans with the logo FedEx on the sides.
Al-Qaida and the Taliban have made it clear that they intend to avenge Mr. Bin Ladens death. According to a threat letter received at C.I.A. headquarters "Al-Qaida intends to bring its wrath upon America and this wrath will come from a most un-likely source. American infidels have killed our leader and now you shall pay!"
And what source would be less likely to be noticed than a FedEx or UPS truck which Americans see everyday?
Until the trucks are recovered citizens are advised to report seeing any FedEx or UPS truck.