Written by Ellie James
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Friday, 6 May 2011

image for Fort Worth Woman's Legal Troubles Due to Daughter's 5 Magical Wishes
Elizabeth's typical breakfast since Tinkerbell and her friends have come to live at their house.

Fort Worth: Elizabeth Potter, 41, of the urban Near South Side neighborhood is currently entangled in legal struggles with the city. If it weren't for the unicorn grazing in her backyard, she would move. Potter says it all started when her five-year-old daughter decided to dig in the backyard. She un-expectantly discovered a magical crown that would grant five wishes.

Potter tried to get her daughter to wish for more altruistic things such as curing diseases or ensuring children in Africa had clean water and enough food to eat, or perhaps fixing the world's economy once and for all.

However, five-year-old girls cannot be reasoned with. Young Olivia then started to make her wishes, the first one being a unicorn. Elizabeth stated, "I had no idea she even knew what a unicorn was but apparently she's read books in school with unicorns in them." At first Olivia was mesmerized with the unicorn and played and rode it daily. Potter on the other hand, got complaints from neighbors.

When Ms. Potter tried to talk her daughter into wishing for the unicorn to disappear and go back to where it came from, Olivia got angry and instead wished for a mermaid. The mermaid, according to Potter, was nothing like Ariel and was actually angry. "Imagine being a mermaid and being sent from the ocean to the middle of North Texas where it's 100 degrees in the summer? Would you be pleasant? I don't really blame her for being bitchy."

The mermaid isn't in residence at the Potter household anymore as both the mermaid and Potter convinced the young girl to send the mermaid back to her home in the ocean. It was actually an easy choice for the girl to make because as she states, "She wasn't very nice. She didn't call me little guppy or anything, like Ariel would. She was really very mean. I don't like mermaids anymore!"

After the mermaid had left, the little girl wished for the fairies of Pixie Hollow. Potter admits it's actually nice having fairies. Her lawn is always beautiful. Things around the house get fixed. She awakes to smells of coffee and already prepared fruit cups and yogurt from the vast orchard that now is housed in her yard along with the unicorn. Potter remarked, "I've tried making peace with the neighbors after that by offering them fruit and vegetables from my now limitless supply, and for a while it worked. They seemed to forget the unicorn."

During this time, Ms. Potter continually tried to get her daughter to use the remaining two wishes for more important things; however her daughter was still looking at things like the five year old she is. And so, that is when Olivia wished for Clifford the Big Red Dog. And this, according to Potter, is when the city got involved. Due to the fact she has a two story big red dog and a unicorn at her residence, she is being fined for having exotic animals within the city limits.

Potter doesn't understand how the city can fine her for having exotic animals. In Potter's words, "Unicorns are mythical creatures that don't exist outside of fantasy literature and fairy tales, and Clifford the Big Red dog is just a fictional animal from Norman Birdwell books!"

When asked about the 5th wish, Potter gets sad for it was the fifth one that was actually hers to make as her daughter became uninterested in magical crowns and making wishes. Olivia had a unicorn she never paid attention to, fairies and Clifford the Big Red Dog. And, really, what more could a little girl want? Potter said she spent days thinking of the perfect wish for herself, and as she was about to cast her wish, a song came on. As she tells it, she was listening to this song and the music overpowered her and caressed her leaving her extremely aroused and wanting things she couldn't have at that moment. This apparently is how Elizabeth Potter blew her wish as she got so frustrated that she wished she would stop being so turned on by the song and the images it evoked because it was distracting her from the wish she wanted to make. Instead of wishing for a cure for cancer, a soul mate, the end to world hunger, or world peace, she wished to not feel so horny. Asked to comment, Ms. Potter tears up and shakes her head and simply says, "I need to go feed the unicorn now."

The City of Fort Worth was unable to comment as they are preparing for litigation.
At print time, musician friends of Potter plan on having a benefit concert on her behalf so that she can pay her fines and any legal fees that will incur. She is optimistic that the turn out will be good because not only will she have excellent musical acts, but also Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Editor's note: Elizabeth Potter still gets really turned on by the song, but has since learned not to listen to it while contemplating anything urgent or important.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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