Written by anthonyrosania
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Thursday, 5 May 2011

image for People Who Can't Mind Their Own Damned Business Question Queen Latifah's Sexuality
What Queen Latifah's belly COULD look like, if she ever actually USED a personal trainer. I mean, you know, & stopped eating.

The interwebs are abuzz this evening, and fans are atwitter about the private f--king business of Queen Latifah, after she was photographed kissing her personal trainer, Jeanette Jenkins, on a yacht in France

"There have been rumours about Latifah being a lesbian for years," states self-proclaimed 'celebrity fag-hag' Kathy Griffin. "After being in the public eye for 25 years and never being linked to a boyfriend, people begin to wonder."

"Why should anyone even care?" retorted Keyport, NJ writer Anthony Rosania. "You know what my grandmother used to say? 'Your real grandfather was our Puerto-Rican mailman.' And then, after that, she'd say, 'Stay the f--k out of grown people's lives.' "

"There's a question about it?" said a blogger whose screen name is Captain_rugmunch. "Jesus, I thought everybody knew she was gay."

"I mean, come on, look at Latifah: She's built like (Baltimore Ravens Linebacker) Ray Lewis," continued the Captain. "What kind of a personal trainer wouldn't have been fired by now?"

"Listen, I wish we lived in a world where Queen Latifah could announce who and what she is," continued Rosania. "But we don't: Coming out as gay could impact the roles she's offered, impact her income."

"And until we change that, the Queen will have to have her butter-gutter cluttered behind closed doors."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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