The viral distribution of a fabricated quote, falsely attributed to the late Dr. Martin Luther King, has led to the establishment of a new federal agency.
Starting next month, the Department Of Home Quote Security will screen every newsfeed entry on Facebook to "detect and destroy any and all misquoted, malquoted or unquoted phrases, statements and captions."
President Obama appointed former Marine special forces commander John "Jumpin' Jack" Nash to head the initiative. "Once we get through taking out the garbage, Facebook is going to have to change its name to Faceblip," he said.
At a hastily assembled news conference announcing the creation of what has been dubbed as Anti-Social Security, the President explained the truth squad's ultimate objective.
"We need to protect the treasure trove of wisdom that can be found in America's collection of familiar quotations," he said. "Otherwise, citizens might start thinking for themselves, and we know how dangerous that can be.
"You can quote me on that," the president quipped, upon which he was handcuffed, strip-searched and sentenced to 30 days community service for "unattributed use of a quip."
Asked why his agency is authorized to conduct strip searches, General Nash replied: "You never know where an unauthorized copy of 'Bartlett's Familiar Quotations' is going to turn up. Besides, there's nothing like a good strip search to break up the day."