Written by Ellie James
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Topics: Texas, Rick Perry, Austin

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

image for Texas to Secede from the United States…Maybe
University of Texas student practice shooting coyotes.

Austin - The protests around Texas have become quite intense lately as the Separationists continue their propaganda and protests demanding Texas secede from the Union.

In recent months, it has become quite clear that Governor Rick Perry of Texas wants to be President. However, it's not the Oval Office he desires. He wants to be President of the Republic of Texas. He would succeed a list of very fine former Texas presidents, such as David G. Burnet, Sam Houston, Marabeau Lamar, Sam Houston for a second term because he was so great, and then Anson Jones.

However, for as many Texans who want to be their own country, there are just as many who don't. Protestors come out in droves all over the state, but especially in Austin since that is where the Governor likes to spend his time shooting coyotes and drinking in Saxon Pub with his big business cronies.

Ginger Lu Tradiack, a local Austin artist, states "If [the Seperationists] get their way, I don't think I can live here anymore. How can I live in a state full of happy gun people who only care about themselves?"

The Governor things that people like Ms. Tradiack are generalizing. "While I know we want to make it legal to carry guns in university classrooms, we're just tired of the federal government telling us how to spend federal money, and how clean our air and water need to be so that old people and babies don't get sick."

Governor Perry has been in the hot seat lately for not releasing federal stimulus funds to help pay for the high cost of educating the youth of Texas. He has put the money in the "Rainy Day Fund" and refuses to release it. At the same time, he sees no problem in asking the federal government for funds to help with the wildfires throughout the state because he's just cut the budget for volunteer fire departments.

When pressed, Rick Perry stated, "How awesome would it be to be our own country again? The fucking federal government has no right telling us what chemicals cause cancer. Those Republic of Texas days were the real good ol' days. Wanna go grab a Corona?"

It's no wonder why many people are fed up with him. Recent polls indicate that if Texas does secede, the vast majority of the urban cool and creative people will just apply for political asylum and move to Seattle, San Francisco or New York City. "Oklahoma would be better that this if it were to really happen," says Joe Barnes, a 25-year-old Internet start up genius.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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