Written by Mindwafers
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Topics: Osama Bin Laden

Monday, 2 May 2011

In the first interviews conducted in the area of Abbottabad, neighbors within living distance of late terrorist mastermind Osama Bin Laden describe their neighbor as a "quiet man" who "kept to himself and did not bother anyone" in the neighborhood while living in his giant underground cave dwelling.

Bin Laden was killed a massive firefight with US special forces on Sunday evening, but neighbors who witnessed the US Navy SEALS strike and hour long military operation said it was the first time they have ever had any noise issues with their terrorist neighbor, and that other than this all out attack with American military and a barbecue last Labor Day, he was a model neighbor who never "made so much as a peep" while living in his compound.

"To tell the truth, I am very surprised at all of this," said Mugunda Al Sheeka, who lives at 192 Underground Cave Mansion Boulevard, three houses down from Bin Laden's residency. 'never once did I suspect this man was who the media tells me he is. He was very neighborly and very friendly. We used to stop and chat every now and then when we would get the newspaper in the morning. I did notice he had many armed guards at his door and he was covered in a layer of dirt but hey, who am I to pry."

"He was a quiet man, he definitely kept to himself," said Najar Jeerizi, a housewife who long suspected that her neighbor may have been hiding something. "He never did anything to anyone that I know of, but one day, I did get his mail, and I can tell you what, there were a lot of literature in his mail there, terrorist this and Al Quida that. I did walk over and try to give it to him but somebody came out instead of him and took it from me and told me to go home and stop being so nosy. I didn't tell anyone but the girls in my book club, but we all thought it was weird! This explains so much…"

Other neighbors agreed with Jeerizi's assessment but did not want to come forward for fear of reprisal. Some of those neighbors include Ezekiel and Terey Bundujar, a couple living five doors down from Bin Laden's compound, and who run a small repair service from their home. Also, the Abullah-Leupj family at 220 Underground Cave Mansion Boulevard, who did not want to be identified for this story, refused to comment on their relationship with Bin Laden as a neighbor.

"I am shocked and stunned," added Old Man Mohammed, a widower and the neighborhood the scary old man who lives down the road from the Bin Laden compound. "All this time, the kids in the neighborhood would ring my doorbell, leave bags filled with poop, and think I was some kind of monster. Humph. Well. How about that. Turns out he was only living down the street."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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