Written by Mark Garrison
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Monday, 2 May 2011

image for Republicans Demand Osama Bin Laden's Long Form Death Certificate

WASHINGTON - Immediately following the announcement by President Obama that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, Republicans around the nation demanded Bin Laden release his original long form death certificate.

"I'm not going to believe this until Bin Laden releases his official, bona-fide, long form death certificate," said Donald Trump.

The President spoke with the American people during a rare, late night address from the White House where he stated that Bin Laden had been killed, and that his body was being delivered to the White House to be put on display above a mantle in the Oval Office.

"We were actually thinking of stuffing him with bacon before putting him up there, but then we realized we have too much respect for bacon to do that," said the President.

The White House has already released Bin Laden's short form death certificate, however, many Republicans including Donald Trump are demanding that Bin Laden himself release the long form version to prove that he is in fact dead.

"I faked my death several times during bankruptcy hearings, so I know it can be done," said Trump while displaying a piece of construction paper with "I'm dead" scribbled across it in red crayon.

"Deathers" as they are being called, point out what they consider clues that Bin Laden is still alive including a little known "Bin Laden Cam" web site that allegedly shows a live feed of Bin Laden at a Hilton in Idaho playing cards with Elvis, John F. Kennedy, and the moon landing.

President Obama quickly rejected any notion that Bin Laden was still alive and offered a video of the terrorist leader's soul in hell, being force fed pork chops by Satan, with what appeared to be Rebecca Black's "Friday" video being repeatedly played on a giant entertainment system.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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