Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Death, Americans

Saturday, 15 October 2005

image for Tweety Dead of Bird Flu
Tweety Bird will rest in peace at Hollywood Animal Cemetery.

Warner Brothers' cartoon character Tweety Bird has been the latest death from the mysterious bird flu. Tweety was one of the first Americans and the biggest name star to contact and die due to the illness.

Bugs Bunny, long the leader and most famous of the Warner Brothers group of cartoon stars, issued a statement to the press. "When I went to the hospital to visit before he passed away, I grabbed the guy coming out of the room and asked him "What's up, Doc!" He told me that our little buddy just wasn't going to make it. I'll really miss the little guy. We'll have to find someone else willing to work with Sylvester. Tweety was the only one of us who didn't mind getting spit on."

"Thufferin Thucatash," said former co-star Sylvester the Cat. "He'th gonna be all infected now, tho I gueth I can't eat the corpth."

Scientists and researchers believe that they may have found the source of the disease and trace it back to another Warner Brothers' actor known simply as The Brain. When interviewed, Brain had this to say: "Do you think I killed Tweety? How prepostorous! How would the death of one stupid, simple bird help me to take over the world?"

When asked if he had seen The Brain working on anything suspicious, lab assistant Pinky simply responded with a "Narf!"

Elmer Fudd, another WB friend co-worker, was crying when asked for his comments. "Th-th-th-that's all folks. We-we-we'll never again hear the sweet chirps of Tweety Bird wh-wh-wh-when he warns us he spotted a puddy tat. I'll m-m-m-m-miss the little guy."

Daffy Duck took the news with a different attitude. "Tweety's dead? Let's see, he got 15% of all the cartoons, and I got 12%. With him dead now, I ought to get at least one or two more cartoons a year! That means a new hot tub for me to enjoy with the chicks! Wait a minute, did you say he died of bird flu? Did he catch it on the lot? Did he come to the studio any time when he was sick? Do you guys have the antidote? Sorry boys, interview over. I'm heading north!"

Services are set for Saturday at Hollywood Animal Cemetery.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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