Written by Honey West
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Topics: America

Saturday, 30 April 2011

image for Americans Are Drying Up
None of this means no more pee

Washington, D.C. - In some parts of the U.S., the continuing drought and severe lack of rainfall has had evolutionary repercussions. Some people feel it is a good thing and leads to a happier and more efficient lifestyle. Bottom line, many Americans have simply ceased urinating. A chronic lack of water - less in, less out - has gradually decreased the urine output of large areas of the country. Some of the least urinating states include Texas, Arizona, and Nevada. It doesn't seem to hurt anyone or cause illness. It's just a gradual drying up of people's wetness. Of course, pooping is still going on full speed ahead, so there's still plenty of shite across the nation.

Ms. Sandy Saltpeter of Badlands, Texas, says the lack of urine flowing through her body is great. "I'm like a camel, I can go for days and days! My boss loves it, I can sit and work straight through for hours and hours without even taking a potty break. I'm dry as a bone."

For this reason, the urine decrease is seen by economists and slave drivers as a benefit to the American economy, as a basic bodily function is slowly drying up and thus more time can be devoted to chasing a dollar, paying rent, paying the cable television bill and so forth.

Many incontinent elderly who previously had to wear diapers are now diaper-free. No water, no urine. A simple medical fact. One group has printed up T-shirts that say, "Pee Free And Proud Of It".

Not everyone believes that the severe drought and consequent urine decrease is a good thing, but for now, it seems to be working out well for a lot of people. Let's hope it stays that way. When pooping stops, life will be perfect. That should occur when all known food supplies diasppear.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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