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Friday, 29 April 2011

image for Doctors Attempt To Cure Surgically Remove Serious Inflection From President
A surgical team stands ready to save the President's vocal cords

Barack Obama was rushed by ambulance to Walter Reed Medical Center this morning with what has been described as "a serious inflection of the throat." Medical doctors from Johns Hopkins and the Mayo Clinic have all been called in for a consultation to help cure this possibly fatal inflection.

Dr. Howard Rosenbaum of the Harvard Medical School said that "the President has a severe and serious speech inflection in his vocal cords. His voice sounds different when he is reading a teleprompter than when he is trying to speak extemporaneously. We hope to use a strict and rigid course of antibiotics to be able to lower the inflection enough for us to operate."

When asked if the surgery could also cure the President of his long stammers and pauses between words, the Doctor said that "we think he caught this from watching William Shatner play Captain Kirk on old Star Trek reruns. We don't think that this is cureable, though we are going to watch Shatner's newest show to see if he still has that impediment and manner of speech."

The doctor also added that the procedure is not always 100% successful. "Not everyone recovers from this type of inflection. In the worst case scenario, the President might lose his voice entirely, and then lose his ability to vocally lie to the people."

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